Pot Critic

A medical marijuana critic who is paid for smoking pot and writing about it.
— "But, why the rush to move to Colorado?"
"Oh Boy! I just found my mission in life... a job where you are always high. And, you know, the beauty of it... anyone is qualified!"
— "Woah! what job is that?"
"Pot Critic. But you have to move fast... 2 percent of residents -more than 100,000 people- have already applied."
— "Ok... and the pay... is it good? And layoffs? You know, recession times."
"Listen dude... you will be HIGH from Nine to Five!!! Besides, the sky is the limit... $18 billion is spent on pot every year in the U.S."
— "OK Bro... Let´s get high from nine o five."

Nine to Five High

The job of a pot critic, who is paid for smoking and writing about marijuana.

"Pot Critic Mom! That´s what I wanna be. Can you imagine? A daily Nine to Five High!!!

Bingo Bus

Time for retirement.
Too tired for daring.
Busing services offered to Bingo patrons.

"Man, I am too old for this, I think I better get on the Bingo Bus."

Grow the Balls

Get the courage; dare.

"Hey man, you don´t have to be such a pussy... C.'mon, grow the balls."

Before You Know You're Dead

A way of saying that your life has been, so far, a pathetic waste of time.

-"Some say that Oscar Wilde once stated: Life is short, then you die."
"Before You Know You're Dead... I would say."

FYI: Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde (16 October 1854 – 30 November 1900) was an Irish (Ireland) writer, poet, and prominent aesthete (One who cultivates an unusually high sensitivity to beauty, as in art or nature).

Illustration: Chad Michael Ward

Alternative to what?

Alternative music.

"Alternative to what? Alternative music is just part of this grand social simulation (assumption of a false appearance. Imitation or representation) where nothing is really happening but an ad nauseam (to a disgusting or ridiculous degree; to the point of nausea) reinstatement (to bring back into use or existence) of regurgitated (vomited) material... been there done that man!"

Wikileaks

International organization that publishes anonymous submissions and leaks of classified, "top secret", or any kind of sensitive documents.

"Wikileaks about Pakistan's covert support for the Taliban fuel negative war debate for Obama."

fireable

An employee who adds no value whatsoever to a company or enterprise.
A slacker.

— "How many redundants do we have on the payroll?"
"I found a fireable at Sales."
— "OK. Proceed."

Illustration: Ralph Steadman

Poorn

Porn available to low-income people; mostly celebs´ soft-porn pics, and boobs´ movie snippets.

"Angelina Jolie?... poorn for the masses."

Nude Art

Euphemism (substituting a mild, indirect, or vague term for one considered harsh, blunt, or offensive) for soft-porn.

"Photographers Erro, Hegre, Edwards ... masters of Nude Art."

Photo: Marina An

What is it like being stupid?

One the smartest lines on modern cinema, asked by the ultra-witty character Vanessa (canadian actress Ellen Page) in the movie "Smart People" to two iconic-moronic slutty teenagers.

The right question to ask, in most situation, when dealing with run-of-the-mill people.

"My stand on the Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill?... Ok... What is it like being stupid?

Be What’s Next

Move on! Don´t get stuck! Don´t be so last year!

A: "I really love the Avatar movie."
B: "C´mon Bro... that´s so old news... Be What’s Next."

Illustration: 2FACE

bake-a-holic

Someone obsessively in love with anything and everything related to baking.

"One of the main reasons I love my mom so much? She is an obsessed superb bake-a-holic."

tweet dream

Dreaming of being retweeted by a celebrity.

"Oh man... last night I had a tweet dream in which Kim Kardashian retweeted a tweet of my own... what a wet dream!"

Photo by Thorsten Jankowski

Don´t Publish

The fate of lame definitions sent to Urban Dictionary that start with:
- An incredibly attractive man who will...
- An act in which you pull your... into a girl´s... so she starts...
- X is an awesome girl. She is crazy! She is your best friend. X's are usually blonde with blue eyes.
- The coolest guy in the world!
- The act of desecration and contempt for the woman involved and, by extension, all women in which the man inserts his... into the woman´s... then producing a... that causes the girl to...
- An amazing person. Possessing super-human intelligence, dazzling looks, being extremely good at...
- An awesome human being who is so cool, you'll just have to...
- A machine, great in bed and extremely sexual, really smart, and adorably hilarious. You're lucky to have them in your life...
- She will only giggle, blush and shake her head-but not in a conventional way..
Well... you get the idea. Mostly, anything that does not follow Urban Dictionary´s Guidelines, but sometimes get approved by intellectually challenged teens who become UD editors in order to get approved theirs mates names, insults, or preteen retarded sexual fantasies.

A: "Oh My Gawd I can´t way to see Rita´s name published by Urban Dic!"
B: "What did you send?"
A: "Well... you know... RITA: the most epic, awesomest, girl in the whole planet. A Rita is...."
B: "Ok... I get the idea but, how do you think they will publish such a stupid definition instead of a well-deserved Don´t Publish?"
A: "I have a friend who is an Urban Dic editor and he promised."
B: "Holy crap!"

iConic

A particular product or characteristic that represents the core values and strenghts of a company or person.

"Honesty is iConic of David."
"Quality is iConic of the iMac.

‘Mad Men’-ese

The meticulously constructed dialogue portraying 1960s Madison Avenue on "Mad men" TV show.

"Intense, lifestyle, self-worth, regroup and recon are truly ‘Mad Men’-ese expressions that document a particular time in American life."

Crap Jesus

Someone who keeps quoting borrowed, dull and moronic parables (simple stories that pretend to illustrate moral or religious lessons.)

"Deepak Chopra is a non-stop Crap Jesus."

Editorial Idiocy Overdose

The top idiocy level that an Urban Dictionary´s editor can endure because of editing definitions sent to UD by mentally challenged teenagers. After reaching this level the editor, feeling suicidal, shows signs of slight autism, despondency, lack of appetite, and sudden episodes of acute withdrawal.

A: "After editing 111,111 definitions, an Urban Dictionary´s editor refused to edit one more def."
B: "How so?"
A: "Editorial Idiocy Overdose."

Illustration: Self-portrait, Ralph Steadman

squeeishly

Huggable.

— "Ain´t Chelsea a little weighty?"
"Nope... just perfectly squeeishly."

Zepped

24/7 Led Zeppelin addict.

—"Where were you for the last 3 months? Thought you were death and rottin´"
"With my ax... workin´ on the Since I've Been Loving You solo."
—"Boy, you are so zepped."

Techno-crap

Any cheap, low quality gadget.

"End the agony, stop buying techno-crap."

Radio Trash

Radio Shack.

"Go to Radio Trash to get your weekly dose of techno-crap."

no-thing

Less than a thing.

"My ex you ask?... just a no-thing!"

Flosculous

Abounding with flowers, flowery.

"Oh My Gawd!!! On my b´day Ronnie got so flosculous that my flat smelt of roses for the entire week."

"Boy, I am ecstatic! Our garden is extremely flosculous lately..."

Photo: K. Matson.

Personate

To pretend to be someone you are not.

"It amazes me every time you personate, when we both know you are just a pathetic run-of-the-mill pretentious loser with an
affected grandeur bent."

Workxicated

The psychological state of a workaholic.

"Yo, for God´s sake, get a real life... you are so workxicated!"

Is this great, or what?

Used to state that something is truly awesome, extraordinary, unbelievable and "a dream".

"Is this great, or what?... the sun rises."

iShop

The only sense of identity of someone who lives for shopping.

"iShop, therefore I am."

Overshopper

A person who buys items that will never be used or consumed.

A: "Why on earth you own ten pairs of jeans when you only use four pairs regularly?"
B: "Simply... I am an overshopper."

shopping diet

A self-imposed exercise in frugality, that consist in restricting yourself to buying only the bare essential during a certain period of time, as a way to trim back on spending.

“I am sick and tired of consumerism so, I will go on a shopping diet for the rest of 2010.”

Instant Asshole

An omnipresent asshole that manages to be, always, at the wrong place at the wrong time.

"Everything was just perfect... but instant asshole crashed the party and everything went down the drain in no time."

Accumulated Her

The definite smell and heady spice of lush pussy.

"Napoleon sent word to Josephine not to bathe when he was returning from battle, he wanted to smell the accumulated her."

Photo: Bruno Bisang.

Come on, He´s Bruce Willis

Appeal to pseudo authority figures, such as celebrities, made by morons who have no clue, or original opinions, about real-life issues.

A: "But Bro... how do I react to my bossy wife?"
B: "Watch Die Hard again."
A: "Fuck!... What?"
B: Come on, He´s Bruce Willis... He knows best."

Corridor Of Cruelty

Life with a person who makes your life utterly miserable.
"
"I told you Jenna, marrying Doug was entering the corridor of cruelty."

Tastemonial

Testimonial given by a consumer about how good tastes a particular product.

"Click here and give your tastemonial."

viral funny

Funny material that goes viral once posted by YouTube users.

"LOLCats... that´s the epitome (a representative or perfect example of a class or type) of viral funny."

lol material

A laughable situation or person.

"I miss Bush, he was my favorite lol material."

send-up

An amusing imitation or parody; a takeoff.

"Bush was a send-up of a responsible President."

unfluent

Not well-versed. Not knowing. Ignoring.

A: "Can you believe it? Sandra does not know what is RAM."
B: "Who cares? She is a techno-speak unfluent."

techno-fugue

A modern disorder characterized by reversible amnesia for personal identity, including the memories, personality and other identifying characteristics of individuality due to the purchase of a new gadget such a last generation iPhone.
The state, accompanied by the establishment of a new identity, is short-term. After recovery from techno-fugue, previous memories usually return intact, however there is complete amnesia for the entire episode.

"In my techno-fugue state, staring at my new iPhone the way I once glanced at humanity, with interest and anticipation, I nearly knock down toddlers and the elderly, lost in my newly acquired identity."

Guayabera

A men's shirt popular in Latin America, the Caribbean, Southeast Asia, the West Indies, and Zimbabwe.
The origin of the name Guayabera may come from a Cuban legend that tells of a poor countryside seamstress sewing large pockets into her husband's shirts for carrying guava (guayabas) from the field. Guayabera may also have originated from the word yayabero, the word for a person who lived near the Yayabo River in Cuba.

"You can see the exiled Cuban in Miami, dressed to the nines in his guayabera, sipping rum and smoking cigars, dreaming of the ousting of Fidel Castro, while enjoying his own version of the American Dream."

boulevardier

A cultivated person who frequents the most fashionable locales in cities like New York, London or Paris.
A boulevardier must express his sense of high fashion and have knowledge of advanced cultural pursuits.

— "What is doing your friend Gerard in town?
"Strolling down Fifth Avenue or Broadway; he is an in-your-face boulevardier."

Image: Ernst Ludwig Kirchner. Self-Portrait, c.1928

reversed jet-lag

When, in anticipation, your body tunes to the time zone you are going to travel to, long before the actual trip.

A: "Shit Bro, you look like shit."
B: "I know"
A: "Why?"
B: "Reversed jet-lag... you know, the coming trip to Paris."

Image: Time Square Jet-Lag Clock, Nava Milano.

White night

Days during the few weeks around the summer solstice in June in areas of high latitude, during which sunsets are late, sunrises are early and darkness is never complete.

"Let us meet in the open, on a white night, with nothing to hide."

Glam-nerd

A glamorous nerd.
An Apple Store´s employee.

“This right here,” said the curly-haired, 20-something Apple Store glam-nerd who sold me my latest iPhone, “is the most important purchase you will ever make in your life.”

Gay Life Coach

A guide to gays who need guidance.

A: "Lou... I am like so much in my skin since I met Peter."
B: "A new crush?"
A: "Nope!... my gay life coach... now I am 100 % out of the wardrobe."

The Ring of Doom

The engagement ring you get from your divorced mother and that you give to the girl you propose.

A: "Look man, I am going to propose to Ming."
B: "Are you serious... do you have a ring?"
A: "Yeah! I got the ring of doom yesterday from my mother."

Image: The Tower, Tarot of Reflections.

White Striped

Turned into an unredeemable (insusceptible of reform) follower and devotee of "The White Stripes" band and John Anthony Gillis a.k.a Jack, and Meg White.
To listen to White Stripes´ music and think that you wasted the latest years contented with any other music or band.
To think that the French should celebrate on July 14th the first presentation of The White Stripes (Detroit, 1997) instead of the French Revolution (July 14th 1789)

A: "Today, July 14th, the French are celebrating the first presentation of the White Stripes."
B: "How do you know."
A: "A French friend sent an email telling me that today, July 14th, is a national holiday in France... those frenchies are soooooo cool."
B: "Fuck man, you are so White Striped!!!

Dictatorshit

A dictatorship that, even with all the power and an immense amount of resources, is unable to keep a minimum control on crime, or satisfy the bare necessities of its own adepts.

"My father keeps a shitty dictatorshit at home."